- Kimberley Godsall always dreamed of becoming a mother, but after years of unsuccessful dating and approaching her mid-30s single, she decided to pursue parenthood on her own
- At 34, and still a virgin, she underwent fertility treatment using donor sperm, eventually conceiving her daughter Scarlett through IVF after unsuccessful rounds of IUI
- Now 43, Kimberley hopes her story inspires others to embrace alternative paths to parenthood
Clutching the toy doll in my arms, I rocked her from side to side.
‘Night night baby,’ I cooed, tucking her into bed with me.
It was June 1988 but, even aged five, I dreamed of being a mummy.
And my desire only grew as I did.
When I was in my teens and started dating, while most of my mates were keen on a cheeky pash, I knew I wanted to date to find someone to marry.
Why waste my time? I thought.
My dream was to have a husband, a couple of kids and live in the suburbs.
After high school, then uni, everybody else started getting married and having babies around me, and I still wasn’t meeting anyone at all.
Online dating was terrible, but still I tried to meet ‘The One’.
When my older sister, Rosie, welcomed her two children, a girl in 2008 and a boy in 2011, I doted on them both.
But every time I saw a stroller at the park, I yearned deeply for a precious baby of my own.
Over the years I dated casually, including two longer relationships, one at 22, and another at 32, for three months each.
When I called things off, I felt relieved as I just didn’t see a future with either of them. But I was deeply conscious of my biological clock.
I don’t want to miss my chance, I fretted.
I knew that if I was still single by my mid-30s I’d have a baby by myself.
READ MORE: Pregnant with two bubs…in two wombs!
But I didn’t think that at 34, I would still be a virgin.
I knew I only ever wanted to have sex with the person I was going to marry and have a future with. So while I’d experienced sexual desire… I never actually did the deed.
I don’t have to have a man or have sex, I can do this myself, I decided.
But I wanted to make sure that, as a single parent, I’d be able to provide financially for my baby. So for weeks I crunched the numbers on how much I’d need to save to take leave from my work as a tutor.
I also had to factor in the huge cost of fertility treatment.
But I was willing to save whatever it cost to make my dream come true.
In May 2017, aged 34, I sat down with my mum, Sue, and dad, Peter, and told them what I was planning.
‘I’m thrilled for you,’ Mum cried, cuddling me.
‘You’ll be a great mum,’ added Dad.
Next, I reached out to a sperm bank to find my donor.
Flicking through the profiles, I picked a man with pale skin, brown hair and blue eyes – like mine – so my child would look like me.
That June I started fertility treatment.
Sitting in the doctor’s office, I made my confession. ‘I’m a virgin,’ I admitted, shyly. ‘Will I have a harder time with pregnancy?’
‘It’s not an issue at all,’ he replied, adding many clients he saw were like me. ‘You’re not alone.’
Beginning intrauterine insemination (IUI), a procedure where the sperm was inserted into my womb as I ovulated, sadly, two rounds were unsuccessful.
‘Perhaps we should try IVF,’ my doctor suggested in February 2018.
So I had eggs retrieved, creating two embryos.
That June, I had my transfer and, soon after, a pregnancy test showed two lines. I was pregnant… but I’d never had sex!
READ MORE: Surrogacy joy: My mum had my baby!
Jumping up and down with glee, I couldn’t believe it!
Shocked, I did four more tests before telling my parents and sister, Rosie, and they were ecstatic.
I was elated when my 17-week ultrasound confirmed that I was having a girl.
Each day walking to work, I’d admire my growing belly in the reflections of the shop windows.
With each kick and wriggle, I couldn’t wait for her to arrive.
At 39 weeks I was induced and, after a long and agonising labour, my beautiful baby girl, who I named Scarlett, was born. Mum and Rosie were right by my side.
Holding Scarlett in my arms, it felt like I’d always known her.
‘I love you,’ I whispered.
Two days later, we went home. Being a mum was the best job in the world.
Sitting in the audience at a mother and baby comedy event five weeks later, Scarlett cradled in my lap, the comic’s opening joke cracked me up.
‘Well, this is one place you can be sure every woman in the room has had sex,’ he said.
If only he knew, I laughed to myself.
Scarlett, now seven, is a bundle of energy. She’s super clever and loves Harry Potter, singing and musicals.
I’ve always been honest with her, and she knows she doesn’t have a dad but a ‘donor’ which she shares proudly.
When she is 18, she will have the option to find out his name and contact him if she wishes.
READ MORE: My newborn weighed over six kilos: Meet Brisbane’s biggest baby!
I’ve heard all the ‘immaculate conception’ jokes. And hilariously, last year at Scarlett’s Christmas nativity play, she picked out a blue dress for me to wear, not knowing that the Virgin Mary is often depicted wearing that colour.
I want to help empower people to choose whatever path to parenthood works for them.
Since sharing my story on my Instagram @the singlemotherof all journeys and in the news, I’ve been contacted by at least 15 other women who are also virgins who’ve had children. It’s made me feel less alone.
Aged 43, I still haven’t had sex, and when it comes to love, I’m not looking for that right now.
Any man that would become a part of my life would have to be extremely special to have a piece of my heart – and Scarlett’s too.
For now, I’ve found my soulmate in Scarlett.
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