Wife’s secret: I fed my husband a cockroach for Christmas lunch


Feeling a shiver of excitement, I drained the potatoes I’d boiled and seasoned them with plenty of butter, pepper and salt.

This will save so much time on the day, I thought.

It was a few days before Christmas and my hubby Barry and I were getting ready for a festive break in the Blue Mountains in NSW.

We’d found a gorgeous holiday cottage where we planned to spend Chrissy together.

To make it a little easier, I’d decided to whip up the mash potatoes before the trip.

As I started to pound the spuds, Barry walked in to the kitchen.

‘They look delicious. Any chance I could have some now?’ he grinned.

‘No, hands off until the big day,’ I told him.

After transferring the smooth and creamy potatoes into a plastic container, I popped them in the fridge.

The next day it was Christmas Eve and we were ready for our country escape.

Our gorgeous dog Charlie was also coming on the getaway.

With the car packed up, we started making our way to the mountains, playing some festive tunes to get us in the mood.

Pulling up at our little cottage, my heart soared.

‘It’s perfect,’ I smiled.

As we unloaded the car, I put the mash in the fridge, noticing the butter looked a bit dodgy.

It’ll be right,> I thought.

Unwinding that evening with a barbie, Barry, Charlie and I sat outside in the sun.

‘This is bliss,’ I smiled to Barry as I sipped a beer.

‘It sure is darl’,’ he agreed.

The next morning, we were up bright and early for Christmas Day.

After a delicious brekkie and present swapping, we took Charlie for a long walk.

Returning to the cottage after, I started to get lunch ready.

With everything almost ready to go, I took the mash out of the fridge to heat up.

Scooping it out onto a plate, my heart dropped.

Among the spuds was a huge black cockroach all mashed up!

Panicking, I wondered what to do.

Barry loved mash and I knew he’d be disappointed if we didn’t have it at Chrissy.

Quickly pulling out the roach, I chucked it in the bin and decided to just heat up the spuds anyway.

Surely Barry would never know it had been there?

Minutes later, I called out to him, ‘It’s ready love.

‘Yum, it all looks great,’ he said as we sat at the table.

Piling his plate with mash, he passed it over to me.

‘Oh no thanks love, I’m feeling a little queasy,’ I explained.

‘Great, more for me then,’ he grinned.

I felt guilty as I watched Barry tuck into the spuds, but I figured it wouldn’t matter too much – it was just some extra protein!

As we relaxed with some wine after, Barry sighed contently.

‘What a fantastic lunch, the mash was my favourite, he said.

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it,’ I smiled, not letting on that they had an extra secret ingredient this time.

I’ve still not told my hubby about the hidden bug in his festive lunch as I’m not sure how he’d take it.

But every time I pre-make it now, I always make sure they’re put in an extra secure container!

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