All her life, Bianca Saez, 27, has been unable to control her outbursts. Here, she shares her story in her own words…
I tried my best to ignore the cruel taunts in the classroom.
But as my frustration grew, I couldn’t help snapping my pen in half.
My classmates burst into laughter, mocking me as I started to tic and swear.
Aged 13, my Tourette syndrome was reaching new levels.
I’d been diagnosed at four, when my dad John and mum Leanne noticed an eye tic, but over the years, my symptoms had progressively got worse.
And since starting high school, things had escalated.
The other kids would make fun of my condition, which only added fuel to the fire.
As they teased and laughed, I’d erupt into a fit of rage, swearing, shaking and shouting.
I was like a bottle of fizzy drink after it’s been shaken – I couldn’t control it, it just burst right out.
At home, things weren’t much better.
Unable to control myself, I’d often lash out at my family, hitting Mum and Dad.
My brother Tim, who’s three years younger than me, would also bear the brunt of my outbursts.
I’d break things, punch holes in walls and bang my head against tables.
‘Come on love, take a deep breath,’ Mum would say, wrapping her arms around me.
I was so difficult to control though, and often Mum and Dad would have to call the police to calm me down.
Despite numerous bouts of medication, nothing helped.
Having no friends made things even tougher. I felt so alone.
When I was 16, I underwent an op called Deep Brain Stimulation to try to fix my condition.
Surgeons placed an electrode deep into my brain in the hope it would block the impulses that cause the tics.
It did help some of my anger problems, but my symptoms were still strong.
‘Your Tourette’s is one of the worst in Australia,’ the doctor said.
At that, I burst into tears.
‘I just want to be normal,’ I sobbed to Mum.
‘I know love,’ she soothed.
She was my rock and I couldn’t have got through it without her.
When I became an adult, I put myself out there, going to reggae nights and festivals to make friends.
There, I met my two best friends, Sez and Amber.
‘We love you the way you are,’ they’d say.
With a new boost of confidence, I started to perform at open-mic nights.
Amazingly, when I sang, my tics disappeared.
It felt so liberating to belt out a tune without having to worry when my next outburst would be.
However, there are still so many parts of life that are a struggle for me.
All I want is to have a job like everyone else, but no-one will employ me.
When I was 18, a lady called Deena kindly gave me an opportunity at her café.
I worked hard, preparing meals and working the tills.
Sometimes because of my condition I’d uncontrollably throw sandwiches in the air.
Still, it was great to earn my own money.
Sadly, after six months, the café closed and I haven’t been able to find anything since.
Just going about everyday life is very difficult for me.
Whenever I go to the supermarket, I end up causing havoc by breaking up loaves of bread, bursting open bags of chips and chucking eggs on the floor.
Luckily my local shop is aware of my condition and will let me off.
And wherever I go out in public, I can’t help constantly swearing.
‘F**k off!’ I shout at random people, walking down the street.
I try to explain that I have Tourette’s, but I’m often met with horrible looks.
It’s heartbreaking that no-one understands me.
One time, I was getting my nails done at a local salon who know about my condition.
After a bad outburst of swearing, another customer turned to me.
‘They’re trying to do your nails, for goodness sake,’ she said.
Even after I told her about my Tourette’s, she just tutted, ‘You disgust me.’
I cried to my mum when I got home, frustrated at the woman’s lack of understanding.
Despite my battles, I’m trying my hardest to lead a life like everyone else.
Four years ago, I moved out of my parent’s house and got my own place.
Carers still have to come round and help me sometimes.
I’m not able to clean my home as I always try to spray the multi-purpose cleaner into my mouth, so they’ll help me clean and cook.
I also now have a boyfriend Zachary, 27, who I met through friends.
It’s so lovely to have someone who accepts me for who I am.
Because of my Tourette’s, we can’t really do regular date nights like going to dinner or the movies.
We’ve recently moved in together, so instead we’ll have days out to Bunnings, picking out new bits and pieces for our home.
Having Tourette’s is difficult as it holds me back and I’m often subjected to nasty reactions from people.
But I’m determined to keep positive and enjoy my life.
I’ve even set up a YouTube channel, ‘B with Tourettes’ to raise awareness and show others what it’s like to live with the condition.
I want to break the stigma and celebrate my uniqueness.
Related stories
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
Native ad body.
