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Being Polyamorous And Christian Is Not A Sin

They even have a son - by Getty Images
  • 05 Aug 2019
Being Polyamorous And Christian Is Not A Sin
Source: Getty Images

A throuple from Baltimore are proving that no judgement can come in between love, despite being told their relationship is a sin.

Katie, 33, and Luis Simbala, 36, have been married for 13 years after meeting at the church where they both performed as musicians.  Then Katie met Raquel Martinez, 26, in 2012 – and their connection was instant.  The two women soon became inseparable friends – dating for three years before entering a polyamorous relationship with Luis in 2017.  The three now live together as a ‘throuple’ with their four-year-old son, Lukas.  However, their unconventional relationship has been scandalised amongst their religious community.  Raquel told Barcroft TV: “We have all shared backlash from the conservative folk – we are church kids.”  But disapproval didn’t only come from within the church, as Katie and Raquel’s families judged their relationship harshly.  “Our families are fundamental Christian and our relationship is seen as an abomination to God,” explained Raquel.

Katie and Luis met in 2002, and to their congregation, they seemed like the ultimate conventional couple.  Katie said: “Luis and I didn’t have sex before marriage, we courted for months and only held hands until we kissed.  “He’s the only man I’ve ever loved and the only man who has ever loved me.”  Although, Luis had married Katie knowing she was bisexual.  “I never explored it out of fear of not having God on my side,” explained Katie.

Luis, however, was open to Katie exploring her sexuality, as long as there were boundaries.  Luis explained: “I’m in the kind of notion that if it is truly meant for you, if a person is truly meant for you, then they are going to be in your life.”  This was put to the test when Katie met Raquel at a baby shower where she was working as a photographer.  Katie told Barcroft TV: “I look around and the first person I see is Raquel, she just had this big beautiful smile and I gravitated towards her.”  Raquel added: “We both felt the instant connection.”

Being Polyamorous And Christian Is Not A Sin | LOVE DON'T JUDGE

After a platonic friendship that lasted two years, Katie and Raquel had their first kiss at Raquel’s 21st birthday party, which Katie and Luis threw for her.  After this, their connection was undeniable and although Katie and Luis’s marriage entered new territory, their relationship remained strong.  Luis explained: “In the beginning, I was so sure in Katie and our relationship was so sure and solid that I didn’t feel threatened at all.”  On Katie and Raquel’s one-year anniversary, Lukas was born – Katie and Luis’s biological son.  Katie said: “We had not been able to get pregnant for ten years and it didn’t happen until we found a third – God has a sense of humour.”

Two years after Lukas’s birth, Katie, Luis and Raquel organically became a throuple, after finding it difficult to keep the two relationships separate.  Katie said about Lukas, “He has no other reality; he knows he has two mamas.”  Each step of the relationship – no matter how happy they are – has been faced with criticism, predominantly due to their religion.  “My faith journey shifted and my perception of who God is started to shift.” Katie explained.

thetriadfam View Profile
367 likes - View Post on Instagram
Making memories like these genuinely brings my soul so much joy and life❤️ Today I went to my parent's house to pick up something. Going to their home is always a bittersweet feeling- one that warms my heart, yet one that reminds me of how they're not accepting of my family. My travel time there and back home usually consists of tears flowing down my face because I truly just miss them, especially my dad, to be honest with you all. I feel such a soul connection to him, and it hurts knowing that he will only be part of a very tiny portion of my life because he and my mom disagree with my family structure. I wish that conversations between us could delve much deeper than the surface. I wish I could tell them about all the things we envision for ourselves and tell them all about how big Lukas is getting because to be real with you they loved him so much. I wish we could all share a meal with each other and make stupid jokes like before. Katie and Louie got along so well with them and really miss them too. Navigating the family part of being poly is super hard, but this family is hopeful that one day we'll sit at a table with my parents and enjoy a meal together without it having to be about who's right and who's wrong. If you're struggling with this too, know you're not alone, and that it's not stupid of you to have a bit of hope to see reconciliation between your families ❤️ It can totally happen. Now, on another note, how beautifully adorable is my family in a sunflower field?! I'm so blessed to say these three are mine! -Raq #thesimbalas #thetriadfam

For Raquel, her hardship comes from her family refusing to acknowledge her relationship.  “My family don’t want to step foot in our home, they want to live in a false reality,” Raquel said. “To my family I am still a 26-year-old single woman who is not bisexual.”  When Katie, Raquel and Luis decided to be open about their relationship with the Pentecostal church, they faced fresh backlash.  Katie said: “The pastor was very cordial – he was in shock and didn’t know how to take it and encouraged me to find a LGBT church instead.”  “This was the typical reaction for the majority of the people we came out to.”

Katie, Luis and Raquel went in search of a church that would accept their relationship. They found this in the Lutheran community.  Leila Ortiz, Bishop of the Metro D.C. Synod and a colleague of Katie, admitted her shock when she first learned of the polyamorous dynamic.  “I definitely felt my eyes getting wider,” said Leila. “Many people would be scandalised by them and would even be scandalised by my acceptance of them.”  But for Leila, she was open and understanding, giving them a much-needed space for their faith.  She explained: “How do you judge, point fingers and condemn people who don’t know any other way of being?  “People have been in polyamorous relationships for decades but it’s been kept private – we are in a space now where it’s public.”

thetriadfam View Profile
259 likes - View Post on Instagram
Change is the catalyst to growth. I strongly believe that life always takes us out of our comfort zones, if we allow it to, to push us towards advancement and growth. It may not always be comfortable or pretty, but it's so very necessary for our personal evolution. The Simbalas have a few opportunities coming our way that involve some life-changing decisions. It's exciting if I'm honest with you all, and we feel so at peace with whatever happens. In the coming weeks, we as a family find out what the next step for our family journey is, and no it's not a baby lol, but I will say that whatever opportunity ends up happening for us is one that we are excited to pursue and use as a pathway for our personal and familial growth. So with that being said, please send us some positive vibes, prayers, good spells, and wishes as we figure out what it is that God has in store for us. We're excited people! All good things, all good things! -Raq #thesimbalas #thetriadfam

For Raquel, Katie and Luis, being open with their relationship has been liberating.  “God made us all different – there’s a lot of communication involved but we’re happy where we’re at,” said Luis.  Raquel added: “It works for us, we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

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