- After 15 years of marriage Lauren Trevan, 45, from Brisbane, Qld, discovered her husband was a predator.
- Volunteering as a coach at a sports club, he’d used his position to gain access to and abuse under-aged girls.
- Now Lauren is sharing her story to help keep other women and girls safe from abusers.
Here Lauren tells her story in her own words
* Some names and places have been changed to protect victims’ identities.
* If you’ve been affected by this story, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (Aus) or 0800REFUGE on 0800 733 843 (NZ).
Standing on the balcony at our sports club, my best friend *Carrie, then 24, and I watched as the sun set.
‘I think I’m in love,’ I confessed.
I’d met *Julian, 27, at the club a year earlier and soon fell for his charismatic nature and confidence.
Aged 19, I was studying nursing while Julian worked in a bank.
In his spare time he volunteered as a coach at the club.
Later, I volunteered there too.
‘I love you. I would never cheat on you.’
After dating for two years, we moved in together.
Julian doted on me, taking me on surprise holidays and showering me with gifts.
‘I want to hug you all the time,’ he’d say, making me feel so special.
But one night after about 18 months together, he read a message on my phone from an old friend and accused me of cheating on him.
‘I love you. I would never cheat on you,’ I replied.
I couldn’t believe he’d doubt my loyalty, but I still felt guilty for making Julian question me.
After that, things returned to normal.
But the following year, Julian went out drinking and didn’t come home until 4am.
‘I know someone’s been here,’ he spat.
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‘Nobody has been here,’ I replied, bleary-eyed.
‘The toilet paper is hung differently,’ he said, pointing at our ensuite.
It took me over an hour to calm him down.
I was so shocked by his behaviour.
It began happening more frequently.
If I folded his socks wrong or bought a different type of margarine, or placed the lid on the toothpaste in a way he didn’t like, he would criticise me.
‘I shouldn’t have married you because it ruined our sex life.’
Sometimes, he wouldn’t speak to me for days afterwards, but then he’d be his usual loving and caring self again.
After four years together, we married.
But Julian was drinking a lot and staying out many nights a week.
When I confronted him about it, he turned on me.
‘I shouldn’t have married you because it ruined our sex life,’ he shouted at me at the front door.
‘Please stop. The neighbours can hear us,’ I begged.
I had never felt so humiliated in my life.
Too ashamed to air our dirty laundry, I never confided in anyone.
The same pattern continued for years.
We were generally happy, but his mood could change with the wind.
We welcomed our gorgeous daughter Taylor in November 2008.
Our son Harvey followed in March 2012.
But becoming a parent made Julian more distant.
He spent a lot of time away from home.
Whenever he was around, he played with the kids, but he stopped doing any chores.
‘He would make my life miserable if I tried.’
When I cleaned the house or washed the dishes, he would taunt me.
‘I could have done it better,’ he’d say.
Our friends noticed.
‘Why don’t you leave him?’ Carrie asked.
‘He would make my life miserable if I tried,’ I replied.
In August 2014, Julian was made redundant and didn’t bother looking for another job.
Another year passed and I’d had enough.
‘We don’t love each other,’ I said. ‘We should go our separate ways.’
He got angry, then he began sobbing.
Writing a goodbye letter to the kids, he threatened to take his own life.
I couldn’t have my kids grow up without their dad.
‘Please don’t,’ I begged.
‘I promise to get a good job and stop drinking,’ he told me.
And I prayed he would finally change.
For a little while, he did.
Julian got a job and bought me a new phone which he helped me set up.
But soon I figured it wasn’t to be helpful – it’d been so he was able to gain access to my messages and emails.
As I worked part-time, Julian controlled all the finances.
I was given an allowance for household expenses, but I was miserable and felt completely trapped.
One evening in July 2015, Julian said the police were investigating him for inappropriately messaging one of the teenagers in the club.
‘It’s all a misunderstanding,’ he said.
At first, I believed him.
But three days later, during a meeting at the club, the girl’s parents came armed with a transcript of the messages.
There were nine pages in total.
Julian had texted her at all times of the night, saying things like, I’d love to be off work today with a little hottie like you.
I felt sick to my core.
All this time my husband was a secret predator.
‘You need to get out of the house,’ I ordered him.
‘Daddy has done some bad things and can’t live with us anymore,’ I told the kids.
Over the coming weeks, shockingly, six more victims came forward with allegations of not just messages, but also abuse.
Julian was charged with offences including three counts of rape, indecent acts with a child under 16, and sexual penetration of a child under 16.
The girls were aged 11 to 17, and the accusations spanned back years.
One allegation was that he had raped a 16-year-old in our home while I was away.
Distraught, I couldn’t believe how twisted my husband truly was.
How did I miss the signs? I tortured myself.
But there had been no hints.
I wondered whether the only reason he’d married me was to keep up appearances as a devoted husband and father.
In March 2018, Julian, then 48, appeared in the County Court of Victoria.
He was convicted of offences, including indecent acts with a child under 16 and the rape charge.
Judge Peter Wischusen sentenced him to 14 years in jail, with a non-parole period of 11 years.
Staring at the man I once loved, he seemed more angry than remorseful.
In June 2019, the kids and I moved to Queensland and I started studying criminology.
It took me over three years to win sole custody of the kids, and a lot of counselling and support before I stopped blaming myself.
‘Perpetrators like him are such good manipulators,’ the counsellor told me.
He explained that I was a victim of Julian’s too and had suffered 15 years of mental, emotional and technological abuse.
In January 2023, I became a volunteer with DV Safe Phone, a charity that refurbishes old phones and provides them to frontline domestic and family violence agencies.
I also decided to write a book, a fictionalised version of what happened, called Now I See You.
I wanted it to serve as a warning to other women not to fall into a similar trap.
I was always open with the kids too. Taylor, now 16, and Harvey, 13, know their dad did something horrendous and is in prison.
The court mandated no contact with him until they’re adults.
They will read the book one day, but they’re not ready yet.
Sometimes I wish I had never met him. But there is no point in looking back.
I am a survivor and hope my story will save a life.
Visit laurentrevan.com
