‘During the speeches I randomly remembered a wedding I went to years and years ago where the grandmas wheelchair was left without its brakes on at the top of a big flight of steps outside the registry office,’ she says.
‘She rolled forward, all the way down, cracked her head open on the slabs, ambulance took her off on blue lights, and the bride spent the reception scrubbing blood out of her train poor bloody woman.’
Thankfully she adds that nan was fine, in the end. But now she wants to know other horror wedding stories. And the internet - obviously - did not let her down!
Here are our favourites:
This awkward love triangle:
Her best friend (male) had had a massive crush on her forever. It was well known but not talked about. He never acted on it as he felt she was out of his league (he wasn't!). The groom (total knob) knew about this and his speech was ALL about that. That he had won her and "best friend" had lost. It was the crappiest most self satisfied speech ever. He ended it by saying raise your glasses to "best friend". Poor "best friend" was mortified.
Sometimes not everything is as it seems:
The worst wedding I went to seemed lovely on the day. We afterwards found out that the bride had cheated on the groom in the loos at the reception.
This classy bouquet-toss:
Went to a wedding where the bride threw the bouquet and the mother of groom and a bridesmaid fought over it, on the ground, pulling hair etc. MIL was single and bridesmaids very long term but commitment phobe boyfriend told everyone 'she'll have to leave me if she wants to get married'.
This mother’s boy:
The worst I have been to was one where I was invited by my new boyfriend and his Mum was there. In the buffet line someone turned to his Mum and said 'Aw, it will be your son's next.' She turned to me, looked witheringly and said 'No, I don't think so.'
This catastrophic cliche:
Doves were released. Beautiful, white Doves. Tired, disoriented Doves. By a road. Lorry whizzed by and BANG beautiful, white, tired, disoriented Dove massacred in an instant and the feathers floated down onto the guests outside the church. Italian guests start wailing, British guests desperately trying to hold it together. The marriage broke down in the most hideous of circumstances.
This spite-filled groom:
Everything seemed to be going ok until the speeches. Best man did his speech, then newly married husband stood up, informed everyone that his new wife had actually been sleeping with the best man for the last 6 months and that he had decided to go ahead with the wedding today just so her parents could pay for it all.
Have you ever been to a horror wedding?
This article first published on New Idea.