A new mother has posted to a parenting forum, Mumsnet, to ask if she is being unreasonable to still be upset six weeks after her own mother-in-law overstepped the line.
The new mum wrote that she had a traumatic birth that ended in an emergency caesarean. While she was still being stitched up, the mother-in-law – who happened to be a staff member at the hospital – let herself into the recovery area. At no point was the mother, who had just had the newborn, consulted and despite being clear with her husband about having no visitors for the first 24 hours, he didn’t say a word to his mother.
The post, in part, reads: ‘She was able to obtain access to the recovery area with her works access card, and just let herself in without permission. I wasn’t asked if it was okay if she could be there, and because I was being stitched up on theatre still, she held my DD before I even got to. I’m so angry and upset about this. Prior to going into labour, I’d discussed with DH that I didn’t want anyone visiting for at least a day or so, let alone have MIL there before I’ve even held my own child. I’m livid that the midwives allowed her to be there without asking me and I’m angry that DH didn’t advocate for me more too. He should have told her not to come, or to wait outside.’
To make matters worse, the mother-in-law was present and listening while a doctor discussed sensitive medical information with the woman and her feelings of resentment have been growing ever since.
A lot of other mothers were angry on her behalf, expressing their own views onto the Mumsnet post:
‘She should NEVER have been allowed to do all this, and know stuff about you. Have you spoken to your DH [darling husband] about this? Don’t blame him (if you can help it,) his head was probably all over the place. Your MIL used her privilege to get her own way by the sound of it, and it was unacceptable,’ wrote one user.
Another responded, ‘I’m so sorry. What a wanker that woman is. You are completely justified in feeling violated and angry. You’re also justified in feeling unsupported and let down by DH. You have grounds to make a formal complaint. 1. No way should Mil have used her work card to access the area where you were. 2. Staff should have stopped her wandering in.’
While some others could see the husbands point of view:
One wrote, ‘if you’re that upset then it’s your DH you need to be upset with. Your MIL only did what her son asked her to. As a parent it seems natural she would support her child.’
Another added, ‘You aren’t being unreasonable if you sit your DH down and have a chat with him about it and explain how you feel. He was probably a bit oblivious, what with the birth being traumatic and him needing a bit of support. He was probably terrified and felt he needed his mum. I am sure if you explain he will understand.’
This article originally appeared on New Idea.
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