As my husband Emmett slammed out of the house, I didn’t have chance to chase him.
The door woke our seven-week-old baby Tytus, and, as I stood alone in his dark nursery, cradling our tiny, now screaming son, my head was all over the place.
What’s happening with Emmett? I thought frantically for the hundredth time. He’d been off for months.
Gone was the affectionate husband and hands-on dad to our five kids.
In his place was a distant, distracted businessman.
'The kids have started asking if you still live here,' I'd told him that evening, desperate to get to the bottom of things.
But he didn’t want to discuss it.
Like every time I’d tried to talk about it before, he got angry and dismissive. And now he’d stormed out.
Emmett, 30, had just started working as a lawyer, so I wondered if maybe I was expecting too much from him.
Two hours later, around midnight, my newborn finally settled, but Emmett still wasn’t home.
Are you OK? I texted. When there was no reply I fell into a fitful sleep.
About 1am there was a knock on the door, and I answered it to find a detective.
As we sat on the lounge, he showed me photos.
'Do you know these people?' he asked, and I nodded. It was Emmett and his colleague Kandi Hall.
As the detective began talking again, I could only take in certain words.
Affair… Gun… Shot in the head and the heart…
I couldn’t breathe as it sunk in. Emmett and Kandi, 40, had been having an affair.
Her husband of 15 years, Rob Hall, had found them together in a parking lot and murdered Emmett with two lethal gunshots.
I’m not crazy. There was something wrong, I thought. And then, Oh gosh, he’s gone.
Collapsing in the corner of my bedroom, I fell to pieces, sobbing.
Hours later, when the kids woke up, I had to work out how to tell our twins, Bostyn and Bailey, six, Teage, four, and Kaleeya, one, their daddy was gone.
As I explained, the older kids started freaking out. Later, making countless calls to family and friends, I had to tell everyone the whole humiliating story.
I felt so stupid and embarrassed that the world was finding out my husband was a liar and a cheat at the same time I was.
My embarrassment quickly turned to anger and I found it much easier to be mad with Emmett than to feel anything else.
'He died fighting for someone else’s wife when he should have been fighting for his own family,' I raged to my mum.
I hoped the upcoming murder trial would bring some healing and closure, but it did neither.
In fact, I discovered Emmett and Kandi had been messing about for seven months.
Nearly the whole time I was pregnant with Tytus, I realised, shocked.
Robert Dean Hall pleaded not guilty, claiming to have no memory of what happened.
But the jury found him guilty of second-degree murder and he was sentenced to 30 years in jail.
For me, it didn’t change anything. My husband was still dead. My five kids had lost their father.
And I had a list of 'why' questions that would be forever unanswered.
I felt like I was in a fog for a good year afterwards.
Then, about 18 months on I started writing a blog called The Moments We Stand.
It was meant to be a journal of our healing for my kids when they were older, but a week after my first post, more than 1 million people had read it.
I connected with your words, someone messaged.
I’ve been there too, others wrote to me.
As I spoke with other people - victims of infidelity and murder like me - I saw how I could help.
Something amazing was happening as I started finding light from my dark, dark story.
That year, in 2015, I started a non-profit organisation, A Reason to Stand, for trauma victims, and I wrote a book about our experience.
As well as helping people, I was able to start moving forward and in February 2018, seven years after Emmett’s death, I met Scott Boyson through a friend.
We clicked instantly, and six months later we were married.
At 41, he’d wondered if he’d ever find love and have kids, so we joked he did well to get a family of six!
'Make that seven,' I smiled in May when I gave birth to our daughter Kennady.
Now, eight years since that terrible day, I have a family which is positive and flourishing again.
The kids remember their dad as a good man who made a mistake and I look back at it all knowing I have come out of it a stronger person, and one who can make a difference to people’s lives.