Stan Walker, 19, Gold Coast, Qld
Standing in the darkness, I waited for my cue. 'Singing Amazing Grace,' Andrew G said, 'this is Stan Walker.' The lights blazed and the cameras turned towards me. The crowd cheered but despite the chaos, I felt composed. This is for you, Lawry, I thought.
As I started singing, I focused on the music and who I was singing for. It was November 2009, and I was in the top three of Australian Idol.
Although singing has always been my passion, I never thought I was good enough to make it my career. But here I was, standing on the Idol stage. And the only way I could do it was with my heart on my sleeve, thinking of the person who had inspired me to be here.
As the song came to an end, I looked up to the sky. I hope you liked that, I thought.
Two years ago, I'd lost my 17-year-old cousin Lawry to cancer. He was a fit guy who loved footy and was talented enough to represent Australia. So when my Aunty NAME called to tell me the news, I was devastated.
'But how?' I asked, shaken.
She explained that Lawry had been complaining of a sore leg for ages. 'We put it down to a football injury,' she said. 'But then he was getting so tired, we knew something was wrong.'
Doctors found a tumour in Lawry's leg. It was cancer and eventually spread through his body and to his brain.
It was hard to imagine Lawry as anything but the close mate I'd grown up with, strong and healthy. So it was scary seeing him pale, skinny and with no hair, a shadow of his former self.
'How are you feeling?' I smiled, trying to be cheerful. 'I'm good,' Lawry grinned back. He was the eternal optimist.
Over the next five months I spent as much time as I could by his side. I'd go to his house and sing to him. It was what we Maoris did.
'You should go on Idol,' Lawry said. 'You'd win.'
I'd always wanted to try out but was too nervous to audition. 'We'll see,' I replied.
His support gave me a bit of confidence. I only wished I could do the same for him, because despite the optimism, prayers and songs, Lawry's condition worsened. The cancer had spread too far and the chemo couldn't help.
In December 2008, Lawry went into hospital and never came out. My family and I were singing to him on the day he died.
Up until that moment I thought he'd get better, that our prayers would be answered. It wasn't until he drew his last breath that I realised the fight was over.
'It's not fair,' I sobbed. 'He had his whole life to live.'
Lawry's death hit me hard and over the next few months, I slipped into my shell. I felt angry that he died and sad because I missed him so much.
 But when I heard about the Idol auditions, my strength returned. I have to audition for myself and for Lawry, I thought He had so much faith in me. I have to try to live my dream.
Walking into the auditions in Brisbane, I was overcome by nerves, but I managed to pull myself together and sing John Legend's Ordinary People. Knowing I had my family, and Lawry, by my side gave me a lot of strength. Amazingly, I made it through to the next audition.
One minute I was one of 100 contestants, then suddenly I was in the last 20. Stepping onto the Idol stage and singing on national TV was surreal. Each week was a roller-coaster of emotions, especially when it was time for one contestant to leave.
Lawry always joked I'd win, and by the time I got to the top five, I believed it was possible.
There was more to the Idol experience than the competition, and one week we sang at an event for the Sony Foundation, a charity raising money for young teens with cancer.
It was an issue that struck a chord with me. 'When Idol finishes, I want to be a part of your foundation,' I told them. 'It means a lot to me.'
'We'd love to have you on board,' the organisers said.
When I made it to the final of Australian Idol I was incredulous. It seemed like only yesterday that my only audience was Lawry as I sang beside his bed. Now I was performing in front of thousands. Win or lose, I knew he would be proud.
I shook with nerves as the winner was announced. When I heard my name called, it was a dream come true.
'I just want to thank God,' I told the crowd. 'And I want to thank my family for supporting me.' But most importantly, I sent up a special thanks to Lawry.
After the big night, I got a call from the Sony Foundation. 'Are you still interesting in helping us raise awareness of kids with cancer?' they asked.
'Absolutely,' I said.
Today, I'm busy campaigning for the Sony Foundation and their You Can campaign. To raise money, I'm encouraging people to donate old mobile phones. The Sony Foundation are giving out free envelopes in which people can put their phones. They'll recycle them and put the money towards a treatment centre for young people with cancer.
If I couldn't save Lawry, I'm going to do everything I can to save others like him.
I'm also writing and recording my new album. I want it to be about my experiences, so there are some heartfelt songs on it.
Lawry taught me you can't take things for granted, and you have to go after your dream. I wish he was here to share this amazing experience, but I know in my heart he always will be.
A young killer
In Australia, one in 100 people are diagnosed with cancer before they turn 30. In fact, your chances of surviving certain cancers goes down by 50 per cent when you turn 16. That's because children can often withstand more rigorous treatment. Without teen cancer wards, young people are placed in general wards without the specialised support they need. 
Stan with You Can members
The You Can campaign is raising money to open specialised youth cancer centres. Visit youcan.org.au for details on how to help. Has a personal event spurred you onto to achieve your dreams? Share your story by leaving a comment below. |
