Alexandra Williams, 23, Sydney NSW
Liberally applying another coat of lip gloss for the Christmas party, I stood back and admired my reflection in the mirror.With my slender frame, silky dark hair and sultry brown eyes, I knew men would be queuing up to kiss me under the mistletoe. If only they knew. Although I might look like a girl, I'll let you in on a shocking secret... I was actually born a boy.
Nowadays, I love how I look. But growing up, life was very confusing for a little girl trapped inside the wrong body. I'd known I was different from the age of six. At Christmas, our parents would spoil my identical twin brother, Justin, and me with a mountain of gifts. We'd eagerly tear the wrapping paper off one present after another to reveal a stack of new trucks, cars and trains. Justin could barely contain his excitement. In my head, I knew I should feel like that too. But my heart longed for Barbies and doll's houses.
I was scared, confused and alone. What was wrong with me? There was one person I knew would never judge me. Justin. We were 10 years old and I was dancing around the lounge when suddenly I just blurted out the truth. 'I want to be a girl!' I said. Justin laughed, thinking I was joking. But when he realised I was being serious he promised to keep my secret. 'I don't mind,' he said, shrugging. Justin's support and unconditional love gave me the strength to get through the next few years.
As I got older, I found it more difficult to hide my true feelings from our mum, Edna, and dad Norman. But I was terrified of telling my parents the truth. We lived in a small farming community. Mum and Dad were lovely country people with huge hearts and even bigger family values. How could I ever expect them to understand their darling son loved dresses and lipstick? Night after night, I'd retreat to my bedroom. Depressed and withdrawn, I constantly worried about how I'd break the news to my parents.But one day, when I was 14, it became too much. 'I feel like I've been born into the wrong body,' I sobbed. Searching my parents' eyes for answers, their initial shock was quickly replaced by love and compassion. 'We'll support you in any way we can,' Dad said.
I began having counselling to ensure this was the right path for me, and started experimenting with my appearance too. As an excuse to wear make-up, I became a Goth and used eyeliner. I grew my hair long and thought about boys, blushing if one smiled at me. My look was completely changing and although I embraced it, it was also rather strange. Looking at Justin should have been like looking in a mirror, but now we were completely different. When I was 18, I made an appointment to see a doctor about gender reassignment surgery. She explained I'd have to live openly as a woman for two years before I could have the operation. In the meantime, she gave me hormones and slowly my breasts grew to an A-cup. Finally, I looked like the person I felt inside. I changed my name from Bruce to Alexandra and moved to Auckland to study, where I began living as a woman.
My friends at college had no idea I was a boy. On one occasion, I was making my way to the gents toilet out of habit when someone stopped me. 'The ladies toilets are over there,' the guy said, smiling. I loved being able to wear skinny jeans and make-up. For the first time ever, I felt free. Determined to go ahead with the surgery, I got a job in a service station and worked hard to save for my operation. On New Year's Eve 2010, I'd finished a shift and was sitting in the office when a colleague handed me a business card. Two modelling agents in the queue wanted to talk to me.
Growing up, all I'd dreamt about was being able to walk down the street and pass as female. And now, I'd just been scouted by agents who thought I was a beautiful woman! I built my portfolio, taking part in catwalk shows and even modelling underwear. 'There's something mysterious about you,' agents told me, and I couldn't help but laugh. When I told my agent the truth, it took a bit of convincing that I wasn't winding him up. But he didn't mind. I moved to Sydney to pursue my modelling career, but I'm in constant contact with my family. Mum often flies over and Justin and I talk regularly.
My modelling career is flourishing and I'm even seeing a lovely guy. He knows all about me and I'm hoping to get my gender reassignment surgery in early 2012. You know what they say - 'New year, new you!' |
