Tammy Penna, 36, Joyner, Qld
Looking at my daughter Krystal, you would never know she was different to other girls her age. But the truth is, her life is plagued with health problems. Learning difficulties, vision and hearing impairments... the list is endless. Knowing that your child is sick is heartbreaking. But how would you cope if every struggle your child had ever faced was because of you? At age 16, I'd just left home and was revelling in my new found freedom. Most nights I'd get drunk with friends, downing countless whisky and colas.
One night during a drinking session, I popped out for pizza. I didn't have a licence but decided to take a friend's car. It was reckless, but I loved the thrill of breaking the rules. I'd only been driving for a few minutes when I lost control. The sound of metal crushing filled my ears as I smashed into four parked vehicles. No-one was hurt, but I had to be cut from the wreckage, escaping with minor scratches. After a blood test, the police discovered the alcohol levels in my blood were high. Handed a caution, I vowed right then never to be so stupid again. But as I left hospital, a doctor told me they'd found something else in my test results. 'You're 10 weeks pregnant,' he said. Suddenly I felt nervous. Were you allowed to drink when you were expecting? The doctor reassured me. 'As long as it's in moderation,' he advised.
But as my belly bloomed my version of moderation became very generous. Most nights I'd have a few whiskies, but there were also times when one drink led to another, then another. I had no idea that what I was doing was wrong. Some mornings I'd wake up feeling queasy, but I was never sure if it was a hangover or morning sickness. Seven months after discovering I was pregnant, I gave birth to Krystal. She was the picture of health and a dream baby, sleeping through the night and feeding well.
I loved her to bits and was happy to put my rebellious ways behind me for her. But then, when Krystal was three, I noticed that she was struggling to focus. Concerned, I took her to an optician who gave her glasses. It didn't end there. Starting school highlighted that Krystal was different. When she was five she was even kept back a year because she couldn't recite the alphabet. She had a terrible memory too. If I asked her to get her school bag from her room she'd return empty-handed. Worried, I took her to our GP who referred her to countless specialists. As months passed, Krystal was diagnosed with various conditions including dyslexia and attention deficit disorder. To help her keep up I paid for extra tuition and she saw a speech therapist, but nothing seemed to help my little girl.
When Krystal reached her teens, things took a turn for the worse. She'd slam doors and scream for no reason. But whenever I tried to ask her why, she'd clam up, unable to tell me what was wrong. Most worryingly, she was so naive. If someone talked to her in the street, she'd happily go off with them. She was just happy someone wanted to be her friend and didn't recognise danger. Doctors were stumped. They'd never seen a child with so many problems. Krystal was just as frustrated. 'I'm a freak,' she'd cry. I'd just hold her in my arms, no idea how to help. Then one day when Krystal was 17, a friend who was a social worker called me out of the blue. 'Did you drink when you were pregnant?' she asked. 'Yes,' I confirmed. 'Maybe Krystal has foetal alcohol syndrome,' she said. I had never heard of the condition and went online to look it up.
As I read about the illness, my stomach churned. It was an alcohol-related birth disability, caused by the mother drinking while the baby was in the womb. As the list of symptoms filled my screen I burst into tears. It sounded exactly like Krystal. Was this all my fault? I plucked up the courage to tell Krystal about my discovery, terrified she'd hate me. But she just shrugged. 'At least we know what's wrong,' she smiled. Together we went to see a specialist who confirmed Krystal had foetal alcohol syndrome or FAS.
I blamed myself for ruining her life. I'd failed as a mother and paid the ultimate price for my year of binge drinking. As the diagnosis sunk in, I got angry. There's no way I would have drunk if I'd known it could harm my child, but the education just wasn't available for me when I was pregnant. Two years on, Krystal's 19 and doing so well considering everything. She's a mother to a little girl, Shilay, and is expecting a second child. But she'll never be free from FAS. She'll need lifelong support, as she doesn't understand simple things like how to handle money or catch a bus. But I'm here for her and for Shilay. They give me such joy and I'm determined to give them the best I possibly can. I was shocked to discover that four in five Australian women still drink when they're expecting. While some say a few glasses of wine during pregnancy are okay, I don't think it's worth the risk. That's why I've started working with The National Organisation for Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and Related Disorders. I want to educate others about the dangers so they don't make the same mistakes I did.
Krystal Penna, 19, Joyner, Qld, says:
'I love my mum and I'm not angry about what's happened. Mum didn't know the dangers of drinking alcohol when pregnant so I can't blame her. At least we know what's wrong. I'm trying to enjoy life as much as possible. It's too short to hold grudges.'
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